COLUMN: Dealing with domestic disasters

My lack of ability to be a perfect homemaker isn’t due to a lack of trying

A domestic goddess I am not. I am a domestic disaster.

I can’t keep the kitchen clean while I cook, I kill every houseplant I own, and my idea of ironing is to hang the garment in the bathroom while I shower and let the steam do all the work.

I couldn’t fold a fitted sheet if my life depended on it.

I have watched a multitude of YouTube videos trying to learn how to contort those wicked sheets into something presentable and yet, I have had no success.

At this point, I am convinced that you must possess some sort of magical ability to get that perfect fold.

Apparently, I am not the only one who feels this way. Lisa Quinn wrote a book titled Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets and I couldn’t agree more.

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My lack of ability to be a perfect homemaker isn’t due to a lack of trying.

Every now and then I get extremely ambitious and try to do something completely out of my wheelhouse.

Last month, that something was macarons.

If you don’t know, macarons consist of a sweet filling sandwiched between two light and fluffy almond flour and meringue cookies to create the perfect little French pastry.

The second thing you should know is that macarons are notorious for being finicky.

In other words, I was doomed from the start.

It all started with a book at the library catching my eye, Cookies, Cookies & More Cookies! by Lilach German.

With a title like that, what’s not to love!?

One of my favourite parts of the library is the fact that you can take out cookbooks and try new recipes without having to buy the book.

While I am sure that there are some excellent cookie recipes in this book, the Raspberry Macaron recipe was not one of them.

I followed the recipe carefully, as I know that baking is an exact science, and everything was looking pretty good!

Then it was time to put my little cookies into the oven. I sat on the floor in front of the oven, patiently watching with bated breath.

The cookies began to rise, just like they were supposed to. But then, they continued to rise, and rise and rise!

The macarons now looked more like a pink version of “Slimer” from the movie Ghostbusters then the little round discs they were supposed to be.

My partner came home to quite the scene. He found me sitting in the middle of the kitchen yelling ‘NOOOO!” at my oven while surrounded by the biggest mess my kitchen has ever seen.

Thankfully, I had read the book My Boyfriend Barfed in my Handbag… and Other Things You Can’t Ask Martha, by Jolie Kerr which details how to clean anything, from the mundane to the straight up bizarre and I was now ready to tackle any mess.

So, while I may not be the perfect homemaker, I get by with a little help from my friends… books!

Kayley Robb is an Assistant Community Librarian at the Summerland Branch of the Okanagan Regional Library.

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